Of fractals and grad student life!

One of my roommates..lets call him turbulence for it reflects both his research and his random behaviour ( I enjoy it!!) most of the times, made this interesting observation.
It all started in the morning when I was sitting on my throne and having ambrosia (well,I mean I was having tea in the morning!) . Instinctively, I went to my couch and he reached for the corner of the long couch..just like everyday. Thats when he made the remark of how monotonos our lives had become..Everyday MEMS (my other roomate) alarm rings, turbulence gets up, gets ready..wakes me up if Iam still asleep and then the alarm rings again and then MEMS gets up and we all meet for five minutes..they make some comment mostly ridiculing me and then we head off to our offices...turbulence first , followed by me or mems.
We work, turbulence comes home at 6.30, then MEMS and finally me, unless we are cooking on that day. We prepare dinner and by 9.00 we are off again to offices/labs. turbulence come again at 10.30/ 11.00 goes to bed. Me or MEMS come a little later.Usually by 1.00 and we go to bed. There ends one day.Repeat this five times and lo! you have friday evening. We get a movie, watch and sleep early that day, wake up a little late on sat. and still repeat the routine religiously.

Point in all this is, on a gross level, everything is mundane and repetitious. Zoom out and you will find the routine I described to be like a fractal. Zoom out to an year and may be a decade and compare it to an average person and its all the same. How different are our lives as compared to billions others, may be a little different in little detail but at a gross level its all the same.. we all have the same worries, concerns, and feelings.

I think all we are all free from this monotonicity as children. We played whenever we wanted, slept, cried, laughed, did stupid things just for the heck of it..in essence we were free. And gradually as the years progressed, we tie ourselves in knots..trying to be successful (be that in pursuit of money, education or fame). We want to be 'something' and for that we think we should do' something' and what starts off as a small practice becomes an established habit and is difficult to get out of...Just like fractals; A small difference in microstructure somewhere shows up as an entirely different shape after 'n' repetitions. While most of the time we dont realise this, there are obviously eureka times where we find the repetition boring and yearn for something new. May be its time for us to get back to childhood...stop trying to be something/someone and just let things flow and keep doing the best every moment, enjoying the life now rather than saving the happiness for the times 'after achieving that goal'(ever elusive!)
Yet, dreams and hope are like two wings of a bird called man. Without either of them we are wingless birds.

Usha...

The cool breeze blew through the yellow autumn leaves that trembled like the hands of a nervous maid. The ground beneath the big maple tree looked all set to welcome the unknown guest with a golden carpet. The old pine tree stood firm like a gaurd at the palace gates. The scurrying squirrels, chasing each other and breaking a odd nut, seemed like servants preparing for a big event. The reddish leaves still on the trees fluttered like flags and the rustle of the leaves resembled the hushed voices of the people lined up on the streets to welcome a great guest. Few birds were singing an unknown song in the language of happiness.
As jignasu went on his long walks, he could almost hear the wind whisper in his ears. He was curious; who was this the guest for whom the golden carpet was laid and the entire world was preparing? He looked to the east and saw the first ray of dawn, the first ray of light on whose touch the dew drops on the blades of grass shone like sparkling diamonds.
It was the dawn of life and the first rays of hope that come after the testing times of a long cold wintry night.

Reflections...

The guy in the mirror

I didnt like him and wanted to avoid him. So, I smashed the mirror...Now I was seeing hundreds like him. They were all angry and sneering at me. My world was filled with anger and hurt. Then came Jnani, and he didnt make me forget or laugh but made me think and understand. That's when I realised, how the guy in the mirror might have felt looking at me. Jnani smiled with his wisdom and I smiled back with the quiet contentment in heart. So what if I cannot mend the mirror, atleast I will not break another. I may have lost the mirror, but now I have hundred broken smiles and joy in heart. Now I could be sure that I wouldnt see him angry again in my world of joy.
Jignasu.
This could have been Jignasu's entry in the dairy on a day he was angry!

(This was a wave of thought that suddenly came to me when I was walking past the library door and smiled at my reflection!! :) )

On faith and attachment...

Jignasu had problems with blind faith in anything. In the beginning, when he did not know Jnani well, he used to doubt everything Jnani said. Jignasu argued, how could one have faith in someone one didnt know well, how could he be sure that Jnani was not one of the hundreds who only look but don't see, hear but don't listen, know but don't understand? How could he be sure that Jnani had true wisdom and not just knowledge? Did not the kathopanishad say that people arrogant in their knowledge that they alone know the supreme and their followers are like blind men led by the blind man on a hilly region...forever destined to roam without peace?
He asked the same question to Jnani once and he calmly smiled and told him a story...

Once there was a mountaineer who wanted to conquer a peak. He wanted to set a record and was climbing at a very fast rate. He left all his team members far behind. He was climbing fater and faster and wanted to make it to the summit before the sunset. The weather became rough and a violent storm appeared on the flanks of the mountain. But the mountaineer kept on pushing determined to reach the summit. It became quite dark, yet he kept on moving braving the stormy weather. But as fate would have it, there was an avalanche and the mountaineer dropped into the abyss below...As he began to fall, all his life passed before him like a flash, he thought he would die and suddenly his rope became taut and he was there hanging in the air... in pitch darkness. He had lost the orientation and didnt know where he was. He remembered God and prayed him to save his life. There was a voice from above, which said, 'Son do you want me to save your life?'. Please do, replied the mountaineer. 'Then cut the rope' said the voice. On listening to this, mountaineer kept quiet and held on more tightly to the rope.
In the morning, his other team members found his body, hanging from a cliff...Just four feet above the ground.

In our life, things we do and the goals we seek are towards a purpose; and that really is to understand ourselves better and be happy. But like an archer, we can strike the target partly by pulling and partly by letting some things go. So are the things in our life, if we cling to our past, the arrow will never leave the bow. and if we don't reflect and act in the present, the arrow will fall short of the target in future. So son, having faith is important before you have capability to see the truth yourself. Have faith and realise the truth. But having faith in truth does not imply that you should cease your quest. It infact should motivate you to realise the truth. And finally, like true love, true faith will make you stronger. If it does not, then neither is it true love nor is it faith. Its just another delusion.

Jnani now turned to Jignasu and asked, how tightly do you hold on to your ropes son?

Epilogue:
To those of you who read a lot of quotes, etc many of the entries in this blog may sound familiar. Indeed they are, these ideas have been absorbed by me over the years and I don't really know their source most of the times. So, I do not claim to be an original author. I stand on the shoulders of great thinkers of all ages (this is similar to Issac Newton's quote :) ). I would consider my effort successful if I can evoke the same feelings, I feel when I think about these issues, in the readers as is the norm in the Indian dramatic tradition.

On Journeys...Part2

I always felt a meditative peace when the sky changes colours at dawn and dusk, landscapes changing from lush paddy fields of bengal to red loamy soils of orissa, to the rocky great deccan pleatue, lush evergreen forests of northeast, 1000 ft high bridges and mile long tunnels in cachar (assam), temperate forests of MP, monsoon forests on western ghats, birds on the chilka lake, coconut plantations in kerala, temples of tamilnadu, sugarcane plantations in western UP.Same areas that were ripe with harvest on my on ward journey being harvested on return trip, by farmers with their bullocks grazing lazily, tractors parked in the fields, their children playing under the shade of the trees or jumping into the nearby pond.

Gusty hot winds blowing across the hot barren landscapes in summer, lonely bird flying high in search of water, people lining up around the taps in stations. And on return journey, copassengers trying hard to close the windows to prevent rain and rain water seeping through and children (I confess, I did it too : ) putting their faces on the glass between the window grill to catch a glimpse of the terrain outside. The water logged fields, overflowing streams and the water from ganga overflowing through the farakka barrage gates; and the most impressive sight of all, mighty bramhaputra(BTW this is the ONLY river that has a masculine name) flowing silently at guwahati inspiring a great respect is a humbling experience.

Journeys in winter had a charm of their own and that where I learnt that hot chai on a chilly winter morning is one of the best things one could think of. It always seemed that whatever amount of clothes I carry, it was always a little colder :) and had to tug the naga shawl more tightly around myself and still kept the window open (glass obstructs the view) much to the annoyance of my copassengers.

As someone said, life is a journey, not a race. Its true meaning exists as much in a successful journey as in a successful conclusion.

On Journeys...part1

One of the things I enjoy the most, is to go on long journeys. Back in India, I had the oppurtunity (I should say honour!!) to travel extensively, mostly on trains. One of the fascinating aspects of the journeys was that complete strangers would become friends by the time they depart ( I have had discussions with people who would describe their aspirations, their upcoming music album releases, and yes even marital woes to me by the end of the journey!!) , but would not meet again...How similar it is to our life. We meet so many people and become good friends and yet when the day comes we depart probably never to meet again. All we are left with is good memories and a few lessons.

And its on train journeys that I learnt a lot of my lessons, looked closely at the common man in India. Even on a train journey, one must travel by sleeper class not A/C to see the common man. India can be experienced in the chai walas, chana walas, vendors selling the small trinkets and the beggers displaying their awesome talent at singing and playing an improverised instruments ( I envy their skills!!) . People bargaining, some talking on their cell phones, few reading some novels and magazines on the upper berth maintaining a distance from everyone else, people in crumpled clothes discussing about world bank strategies and Indian foreign policy, existence of god, equivalence of religions or the superiority of one...That is what life for common man in India is like.

One of my favourite berths is the side lower seat that spans two windows and offers a majestic look of the landscape with the comfort of a large leg room! Besides, it is a vantage point from where you can have a careful look at all the wares that vendors (both inside and outside the train) sell! :) The best times are when the train travels at night and one can feel the breeze on ones face and watch lights of distant houses. I get lost in those houses and used to imagine how the life would be going on, perhaps a student studying late night or a family watching TV, or a marriage celebration going on and then I could reflect on my life as an unattatched spectator and often find new meanings and derive inspiration.

What is the purpose of education?

I often wondered what was the purpose of all the technical stuff I learn. Was it a means to earn money, be rich and lead a luxurious life? After a long time, I came across an interpretation of a shloka taught in 8/9 class sanskrit in KV (kendriya vidyalaya, Iam a proud student of KV).
The shloka goes as:
Vidya dadati vinayam, vinyadyati patrataam,
patratvaam dhanam aaptnoti, dhanaat dharmam, tatah sukham.

Translated roughly into english:
Education leads to humility, humility to excellence,
excellence leads to riches, riches to righteousness, and righteousness to happiness.

The wisdom of our elders in placing each of the things in the particular sequence had me bow to them in humility.
They placed humility between Education and excellence...of what use is education if it is not temperd by humility? How many intelligent fools have we not seen, who do not realise that there is always someone better than they are, and they were not born with all the knowledge; but acquired it, just like the others whom they look down upon!

Then they placed righteousness between riches and happiness. We now live in a world, where a persons happiness is measured by the luxuries he has. We live in an intensely personalized world, where individuality to the extreme is considered the norm. Caring for others, letting go of a few luxuries is looked down upon. Most of the problems we see amongst intelligentia is that they care too little for others, they are too much looking at themselves and their immediate families.Not that it is not wrong, but anything carried beyond a point assumes the tones of irresponsibility to the society we live in. With all their wisdom, the elders placed the righteous conduct before happiness. For true happiness is not in riches, its in the joy of giving and living for others...
On this note, one of my favourite quote is by R.W.Emerson,
To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty;
to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded. ~ RW Emerson

Random walks

Jignasu liked to walk on the streets all alone at nights. He liked the strange silence that inspired a tide of peace to swell in him. He walked on these very roads many times but everytime he felt a strange sense of attraction to the transformation that came about in few hours. Roads that were so full of life a few hours ago seemed to be deserted. People were in their houses, sleeping in their warm beds, talking to each other in their rooms or staring at their televison sets. Jignasu saw the lights of of televison sets and heard the muffled voices and laughter as he went past the windows of houses that lined both sides of the streets. The cool breeze brought him back to life after a day of strenuos work. It was on one of those walks Jnani asked him long ago, how exactly do you define fearlessness? It was a day when he felt very depressed, looking at the world. There were divisons of every possible kind..based on gender, race, religion, caste, relationships. How can he live in this world so full of selfish motives? He decided that he should renounce the world and live a religious life in a forest and attain salvation. He went to Jnani to ask him to initiate him as a monk. Jnani instead told him that one of the first characteristics of a religious man is his fearlessness. A religious man would not fear even God. Jnani reasoned that someone who is afraid of anything is not bold enough to withstand the truth. If he is still afraid that he will loose something then there are traces of ignorance still left in him. What is there to loose if you believe there is god in everything?

After that day, Jignasu is still in the world he thought was full of petty motives, working with passion to do his bit and perhaps... a little more, in improving the life for people around him either with kind words, or a patient ear or a small gesture of kindness and understanding.
He celebrated life yet was unattatched to things around him and most importantly was at peace with himself and the world around him. Neither did he fear the world nor did the world fear him....

Epilogue:
In stories, I always tend to use the words Jnani and Jignasu as I feel they accurately describe what I want to say. I do not know english words that capture the richness of the characters, their dilemmas I mean to convey just with their names. Both these words have a metaphysical/spiritual sense attatched to them. But I'll try to explain what the words mean...

Jignasu is a sanskrit word which means seeker/someone curious to learn.
Jnani is another word that means one who knows/realised one.

Jnani therefore has been through all the confusions and vacillations that Jignasu finds himself in.
Every Jignasu has a future, just as every Jnani had a past. Its my firm belief that Jignasu's quest is never wasted.

A tribute to universal mother

Oh ! Devi, Shiva is not even able to move without your shakti. Hari(vishnu), Hara(Shiva) and Virinchi (Brahma) cannot worship you and cannot create this universe without your blessings. So O Mother, If I who has not performed any meritorious deeds, is capable of saluting, and praising you it is indeed your grace!

Oh generator of words, this your hymn of praise, by your own words (is like) the performance of the oblation of lights with the flame of the lamp for the sun; the performance of oblation with drops of water (oozing from) the moon stone, for the moon (and) giving satisfaction to the ocean with his own waters.

First and last shlokas of Adi Shankara's soundarya lahari.

Source Links:
http://acharya.iitm.ac.in/mirrors/vv/literature/sankara/sankara.html (English Meaning)
http://sanskrit.gde.to/all_pdf/saundaryalahari.pdf (Devnagari Text)

Scriptures: What do they mean?

Scriptures are a source of great inspiration and also of great enduring controversies. Many people have based their criticism of religion on the scriptures of that religion. What is the status of scriptures in hinduism? Are they something written in stone? or can they be 'adopted' to suit the society at the current times?

First of all, let me state two things that have been proved by many scholars (once I give the facts I can prove, then I can talk of my opinions!)
One, not all scriptures are equal. For example, all the scriptures are categorised into two classes : shruti and smriti. Of these, shurti(those which are handed down based on set metre, word order etc etc..in presence of a teacher and have an exact word order and intonation which cannot be modified under any circumstances..therefore upanishads(means one which is instructed by sitting close) belong to this category) are considered higher than smriti (one which are passed down based on recollections hence by implication, they could be modified according to the people reciting them). All upanishads and vedas belong to shrutis category. One of the most famous smritis is manu smriti..the book that lays rules for conduct of man.

Two, hinduism views dharma as being of three kinds. Sanatana dharma(one that is eternal and remains valid under all states of universe), Yuga dharma (One that is valid for that particular yiga or time period) and Kala dharma(one that is valid for the specific circumstances).
Whenever there is any conflict between the teachings/rules, sanatana dharma takes precedence over yuga dharma which overrides kala dharma. Further more, santana dharma is the smallest set and leaves a lot of specific things unanswered. Yuga dharma expands on them and kala dharma is still more expansive. See the logic here? Its kind of nucleus around which layers of definitions are added.

No, by discussing the dharma, Iam not digressing here..the scriptures are meant to be a guide to dharma therefore it is important to understand what shrutis and smritis address.
Shrutis address the sanatana dharma, whereas smritis deal with the issues of yuga and kala dharma.

Now when we look at the scriptures in this light, we can realise that we cannot criticise the whole of hinduism just because of some scriptures. Manusmriti for instance strongly advocates a caste based system and also discriminates heavily against women. Because it was told for someother time in history, we will be stupid to exactly follow all those things in the present society when we need different set of rules. But the teachings of upanishads (shrutis) still remain valid no matter where we are and what we become.

One of the other things that comes to my mind is the rule in some shastra(again a smriti) that forbids Brahmins(priestly class in the four class society of Manu) from going overseas! They say since ocean is an untouchable (I dont know where on earth this came from) a brahmin is not supposed to travel in ocean! But then, older texts extoll those very waters as the life giver and talked gloriously of people going overseas! I think this is an example of people subverting the shastras for their own mean purposes.

When dealing with smritis it is important to remember one other fact: Many medieval works used older sanskrit and superimposed their work on some older person in an older epic to derive authority. For all we know, some of the smritis might have been written much later than they claim to be!

After all this, these days I dont read any smritis. I just fall back upon my favourites...Upanishads. But wait a minute, does that mean we can junk all the smritis and start teaching shrutis to everyone? I dont think so...the process of gaining spiritual knowledge(Entirley different from becoming spiritual!!) I strongly believe, is like education we obtain. If you show differential equation to a third grade kid, all that he will see is a bunch of alphabets and some +,-,/ and = signs. But show the same thing to a XII class fellow, he will see a differential equation. Now show the same thing to a prof(I mean a good prof!) he will see a description of a physical system in that equation. Similar is the case with religious knowledge.

Hence, I feel it might not be prudent to talk about all the abstract concepts of shrutis (upanishads etc) with everyone you meet!! You might be given the look of a bewildered third grade kid who might think you have gone crazy!

On destiny and freedom of choice

Often times I wonder:
Where do the freedom of choice in our actions and the inevitability of desitny meet? Can they be reconciled in any logical way?

I have friends who believed in destiny and would say everything is god's will. He will do whatever he wants....But even though Iam a strong believer in God I have very serious problems with this kind of thinking. I dont think being religious should mean being a fatalist or firm believer of inalterable destiny. I find this very simple that if we are responsible for our actions, then we must also be free to choose them in the first place.

In yoga Vashishta, sage Vashistha says this to Rama that ones actions and thinking alone are reponsible for what we will be in future...not the position of planets or anything like that. He gives an example of a baby who had been predicted by astrologers that he would become a great king. If left in the company of thieves, he will become a thief not a king; thereofore, what we become is in our hands not in position of planets or destiny. Our thoughts are the seeds of future action and actions are what we will be held responsible for... hence the importance of pure thought and action!

Further, I read this story in some issue of chandamama( I confess, I STILL like tinkle, chandamama and asterix) :
There was a guy who believed in shiva. He was a great devotee, and once there were floods in his village and everything was getting submerged. His neighbour comes and warns him that the village would soon be flooded, so it would be better to leave the village. To this, our friend replies, shiva will come and protect him. Soon, village is flooded and this man goes to the temple and climbs up and stays there. Few villagers who had a boat come on their way and look at this trapped man and ask him to come with them. Again, our man is supremely confident that shiva will protect him, so asks them to go away. Finally, the waters are about to submerge the temple too, and our man finds a log of wood coming his way. But still, confident that shiva will come, he lets it go. Soon, waters submerge the temple and he drowns.

After death, he goes to Shiva and questions him about his concern for his devotees. He starts of describing how devoted he was and how he trusted that shiva would protect him..and complains in the end that he died because Shiva didnt come to protect him. Shiva listens to all this patiently and says, " My son, I came to you as your neighbour, as the village folk and finally as the log of wood. You wouldn't accept my hand then what could I do? You call yourself a great devotee...but why have you forgotten that Iam there in all living and non living things and can approach you in any form I choose?"

Intellectual Masochism!

While it took me very long time to realise that there is more in the world than I can possibly understand...I still venture into the research areas of my friends. I bother them with stupid questions...which many times get answered with a lot of patience. I really enjoy it sometimes when it sparks the curiosity and I think about it, but sometimes, well...!

I was in this class of abstract algebra...which I tried to audit and to my horror found that abstract things are good for me only if they have something to do with philosophy not maths!! But I endured half a semester of classes, tried my best to understand why A+B does not mean addition of A and B, but is could also be division of A with B or whatever it is... But I have blissfully forgotten everything that the prof tried to teach me...now A+B means A+B!

Sometimes I wonder..is it intellectual masochism??